Sunday, 14 March 2010

Once Upon a Time in the Army

If you're in the military or ex-military, then this is the book for you.Focussing on the characters rather than battles, this book will have you laughing and wondering. 'What on earth these guy's were doing in the army'

Available in Paperback Lulu.com

Available for Sony Reader, Kindle, Palm Reading Devices, Epub for Stanza Reader and others at Smashwords

Also Available in Paperback and Amazon kindle on Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com



ISBN:978-14457-2485-0 Large Format
ISBN:978-14466-6486-5 Paperback


Synopsis

John Thomas Sargeant was not an officer or even an NCO for that matter, he never rose above the rank of Private, nor did he ever want to.

He had a secret to keep, which would see the end of his army career if it was ever discovered? But what was he really looking for? Why was he in the army when he didn’t have to be? This is the story of his time in the army and some of the people he met along the way.

Preview

Once upon a time...
I was interrupted by someone walking into the room.
“What are you doing?” asked John, looking over my shoulder.
“Writing a book” I replied.
“You can’t start a book with ‘Once upon a time’ it sounds like a fairytale, what is it about?” he asked.
“You” I replied.
“Me, you’re writing about me, what the hell for?” he asked.
“I just thought I would put on paper some of those crazy stories you keep tell us about your life in the army” I replied.
“Can I read what you have written so far?” he asked.
“I haven’t written anything yet, I was just starting when you walked in” I replied.
“Give me the pen, if it’s about me then I suppose I had better write it” he said.
“Right then” I said, throwing my pen at him. “Get on with it if you think you can do any better”.

**********************************

Once upon a time...In the Army

1966

Once upon a time outside the art college with some of my fellow students,Willie Wanker, Billy Blow Job, Tosser and me, John Thomas Sargeant, aka‘The Sarge’.
The reason we were outside and not inside where we should have been is this, we had all just been expelled from the college for painting a nude, well that’s not exactly true, yes the girl was nude and yes she did have paint on her, I thought we were being very artistic but the teachers had other ideas.
We sound like a right bunch of perverts, but I assure you we were all red blooded males with a very healthy interest in girls, painted or otherwise.
Willie suddenly announced he was going to join the army, after a lot of piss
taking by the rest of us he bet us twenty quid apiece that we hadn’t got the guts
to do the same.
Now twenty quid was a lot of money in those days and like idiots we took the wager without thinking of the consequences, so off we went to the recruiting office.

The recruiting Sergeant greeted us with a hand shake.
“Come in lads, you want to join the army do you”.
That was the first and last time a Sergeant ever shook my hand.
“What’s your name lad?” he asked, looking me straight in the eye.
“John Thomas Sargeant, err Sergeant” I spluttered.
“Sargeant Sergeant” he chuckled to himself sitting back down at his desk.
The Corporal at the other desk was giggling like a big daft tart, what did I say
that was so funny?
Anyway he gave us all the usual crap about how good life was in the army, we did a sort of entrance test thingy, you know the sort of thing knocking square pegs into round holes, all that we had to do now was to pass the medical.

A few weeks later I received a letter saying I’d passed the entrance test and the
medical and would I go back to the recruiting office to be signed up.
Thinking Billy and Tosser must have got the same letter, I went and signed on
the dotted line and became a soldier.
Later that same day I met up with Billy and Tosser, they had also received a letter like I had, but Billy was only seventeen and needed his parent’s permission to join up and they wouldn’t give it to him, Tosser had failed his medical because there something wrong with his tackle, too much bloody wanking that was his problem and Willie had now changed his mind about joining so that just left me.

‘Thanks Guys’.

I must admit I thought about changing my mind but I’d already had and spent the wages the army paid me on the day I signed up, I had the travel warrant to York in my pocket and my suitcase was already packed.
Come to think of it, I never did get my twenty quid off Willie.....

The wanker.


Available for Sony Reader, Kindle, Palm Reading Devices, Epub for Stanza Reader and others at Smashwords

Available in E.Book and Paperback at Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

Also Available on Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com